When It Escapes Your Mind

Let escapism completely take you away, and never leave breathtaking ideas unwritten.

I have a pending blog idea in my mind, but then I completely forgot everything about it—except that somewhere in the title, I think there was supposed to be a number. I'm positive I'll end up remembering the idea a few days from now, but I'm gonna write something anyway because I'm in the mood to.

Here I am, laying down happily. I've gained myself back. Hooray. I have yet again proven within myself that words are the very life of me. It's pretty lame, but I was born a writer y'all. I don't have the sufficient knowledge and strongly founded reading habits yet to back it up, but for me, living is writing. There's no way to abstain my mind from playing with words and appreciating other people's compositions and mine.

11 months and 2 days ago, I began my search for a writing job. I thought to myself, "That's so cool! You get paid for doing what you love and learn so much in the process." There has been many doubts and setbacks for sure. I was the best writer from my batch, I dare say, but coming out to the real world has literally put me to shame. Wow. This is something I must fight for. I can't keep this complacent attitude if I want my voice to be heard.

Being jobless for two months, I had a handful of desperate thoughts. What if nobody ever accepts me again? What if writing is not really for me? What if I be a bum and write my own novel(s) instead? What if I cave in to taking a call center assessment to earn more money? What ifs ended my days every two in the morning.

Consistency is key, and I don't have that (yet?). I'm known for running away just because I felt like it at the moment. I'm known for giving up really valuable stuff just to find myself regretting in the end. But most of life is written in bold, visible, hurtful ink. The pencil coupled with its eraser is the golden Easter egg every chicken had hoped to hatch. That rare.

I am SO blessed to have some moments of second chances, new opportunities, overwhelming ventures, but those aren't constant. It should be my vow to improve where I lack, being still (that, that was my blog title, "Be Still", contrary to what I recalled earlier that a number appeared in the title).

I've already left three jobs, rejected three offers, been snatched with one, and walked my way out of two interviews. That is not a trait of someone who can set aside boredom for greater, better decisions. I must kick this stubborn attitude out, but I'm not quite there yet. Hopefully, I get there before golden eggs run out. I must.

I realized that my life goals are stupid and underwhelming, but I'll get to that some other time. Big things are coming tomorrow, and I must sleep. Please eyes.

PS My personal diary. Open for the world to see. That's so stupid but I do it anyway. With as much censorship as I can produce.