A New Broken Home

Just when I thought I could lay here securely, you left, completely unnoticed.

You adopted me, like a small child yearning for lost affection. A few days ago I was down, but then you came and build me up. Just like an old friend who knew how to make me calm when waves are rushing. I’d admit that I didn’t want to welcome you into my heart. You were stressful because you came as quick as thunder. You came when I wanted even just a brief rest. You came when I know I was not ready at all. You came when I wanted to go elsewhere. Nevertheless, you came. What can a stranger do? Succumb to your call, I did.

 The roar of doubt and regret came wrathfully, one after the other. They did not permit my soul to hear silence. But still, with nowhere to go to and no one to hold on to, I stayed. A voice said light is on its way. Clouds will surely come and be my fortress, my guide, my redemption. Hope is the only thing keeping me sane. The adopted child is now adapting to a new environment. Chaotic at first, but it did transcend my innermost predictions. No more pretensions, and less mistakes.

I woke up feeling alive. So this is what being alive feels like. I can get used to the aroma of something new—a sweet scent calling me to rise up out of bed even if I feel like—no, I felt great. I felt like rising up. It’s always a brand new day. There’s always a prayer to say. Although tongue-tied I remained, I know my lips weren’t sealed. I had something to say. I wanted to say something. It seems like the stars lined up, formed a constellation of luck for my world to revolve in a way that would let the sun shine right in front of me.

But you went away. Leaving me much more broken than when you first saw me. I didn’t think that was possible. But my heart was shattered, my jaw dropped for not only a few moments of disbelief. Why now? When all I do is hold on to you. Why ever?

I close my eyes to shatter memories. Making myself believe none of these have ever even happened. A masquerade. An all black setting. One you can only see when all doors are closed, all knobs are locked, vision’s completely shut down. What do I do now? I can put my favorite jacket on, as long as I want. Just to feel numb, or hot, or freezing—just to feel anything at all. I can’t say I’m still standing. Floating, between the lines I still can’t decipher.

My dream, where is it now? Bring it back to me, I beg of you. I want to end this nightmare.

I am not complaining.

I just want the next big thing.

Sweep me off my feet, at least.

I know there’s more than this.

Come into your senses.

It’s time to face the restless.