April 5, 2014

Permanent Hiatus

I won't be posting here anymore. Check out my new blog, Calm Against the Current. Thanks!

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February 21, 2014

Let Go


If it makes you happy, then go on
There's really no point in holding on
Everything's crushing right before my eyes
If roads should be crossed, then move along
Tomorrow will find us breaking free

Let go of the tears now
You hid it far too long
It's time to face what's really going on
The mountains are far up
The journey will be rough
But staying stranded is just not any good

If we're empty inside, then breathe in
There's life outside our love long waiting
It doesn't mean all we had was nothing
If goodbye is now, I must be strong
The shelter's really been demolished

Come and go
Love and war
The battlefield's inside my heart
Wash away
Darkest days
Leave us only with the good
And I swear, there's so much of it
You've made my heart skip a beat

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January 6, 2014

The 100 Best Songs of 2013


2013
The year Carly Rae Jepsen and Gotye faded after having the biggest hits from the previous year. The year Lady Gaga and Britney’s comebacks failed to have the impact they used to have. The year Miley Cyrus bounced back and Robin Thicke got his first number 1 despite their very disturbing VMA performance. The year Bruno Mars and Macklemore & Ryan Lewis became kings and Queen B (YoncĂ©) snatched the bestselling female album of 2013 with just 3 weeks left.

Here’s the rundown of my personal favorite songs of 2013. I tried my best to rank them accordingly, but the top 10 are almost interchangeable. Such a good year of music in general, so I hope you discover some songs you haven’t heard yet through this list. (I chose to list the number one song first to give it maximum exposure because this post is too lengthy.)
 

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January 4, 2014

Unafraid of Changes



"Necessary Endings and New Beginnings"

This is the January Theme of my CBTL planner, and it is so appropriate in my life right now. January always brings this fresh feeling of hope and inspiration, but this year, I feel there is more--so much more.

There are more improvements that need to be started. There are more challenges that need to be took. There are more blessings that need to be appreciated. There are more lessons that need to be learned passionately. There are more dreams that need to be reached. That only means one thing--I will be the best Kevin yet this 2014.

Words are the very life of me, I always say. These words I write on a daily basis now is my driving force. When your heart is just so full, you can't help but let it all out. Just like the tears or the laughters I produce whenever writing. These are emotions put into words and immortalized. This is my source of joy, pride, and fulfillment. Now is the time to strengthen them by putting actions behind them.

I am ready and I will conquer. I know every challenge ahead I'm about to face is only there to make me be the best version of myself. There's no other purpose behind them. Yes, I cry, and that is good. It means I'm ready for change and I'm ready to fight.

There's no better way to kickstart this new beginning by joining this project, "My 500 Words", and commit to write at least 500 words a day to complete my gameplan for the whole year. There's no topic, no limitations, no editing--JUST SHOW UP. Show up at your desk and actually write. I've been calling myself a writer, born writer, for so long. But I only published 26 blog entries last year, averaging 1 blog entry per 14 days. That's how seldom I write, which is good, but not good enough if I want to be near where I want to be. I have a goal, and I will give everything I can to make it happen this year.

What Do I Want to Thrive in My Life This Year?
That's the first question on the planner. And I will discuss my aspirations this year, one by one.

1. Travel
I finally have some savings to start travelling. Well, I really didn't want to travel much before for two reasons: fear and inconvenience. Unfamiliar places make me fearful and staying outside places I call home brings such inconvenience to me. This year, I WILL TRAVEL for the sake of new experiences and a life lived to the fullest. Coming out of my shell and onto the world is something I'd like to start doing this year. First stop, I'll climb my first mountain with college friends this month. Wish me luck!

2. Health
This year, I WILL BE FIT. I've been carrying these extra pounds far too long now. I won't say much here. Just come January 2015 and I will be 30-40 pounds lighter. So help me God!

3. Acceptance
Saying goodbye has long been a weakness of mine. I'm not saying I won't ever feel pain when it's time to say goodbye. I'm just saying that this year, I WILL NOT BE A CONTROL FREAK AND I WILL BE MORE ACCEPTING like I already know the reasons behind things. I want to believe endings are always for the better. Although when we feel the pain of goodbyes, it never makes sense, there is really sense in all of it. This year, I will accept changes, along with delayed or cancelled plans, inconveniences, and past mistakes I can do nothing about. Overall, I just want to be more accepting and a lot less controlling. I should know by now that I can't control everything. In fact, A LOT of things are beyond my control, and I just have to accept that fact.

4. Productive
Last but not the least, I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE. To be more specific, I want to hone my talents more and revive those I've completely abandoned. It's supposed to be easy, just show up and stop being a lazy ass. This world and life in general is full of inspirations. There's really no excuse to be unproductive. Life is moving, so should I.

Here's to celebrating changes and being focused to reach the finish line. Let's keep each other winning all months of the year!

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January 3, 2014

Chasing After Sandcastles

 
 
I am unhappy. Despite the automatic smile on my face, there’s a longing in my heart that I’m not quite familiar with. So I begin every single day trying to quench this thirst, even though I don’t know what it is exactly I’m thirsty of.
 
I am unguided. The emotions my heart feels and the thoughts that linger on my mind are what dictate my every action. Though I know these shouldn’t be my guide, my feet don’t have any other choice. Not now.
 
I am undetermined. There are changes in life I know I need to do. Some I conquer with gladness in my heart, but I still feel weak. I know I still have a lot to face. I want to witness myself conquer every internal battle. I want to take the torch and run so effortlessly and freely, despite the doubts this world gives me.
 
I am uneducated. I keep living life waking up as the same person I was the day before, with the same challenges to face. I need help but I don’t exactly know how to find a compromise that would satisfy my heart yet make me progress in this life.
 
I am unimportant. A mere speck in this world with no gigantic contribution to actually matter. Sometime, I ask if there are going to be people around me when it’s time to face trials or defeat. I want to make a mark, not by the things I am, but by the things I do for other people. However, I know there’s a long road ahead of me for me to actually achieve that.
 
I am inconsistent. That’s why I run in circles and daunted with this feeling of despair. How can I achieve the things I want to? How can I get there when I can’t even see a bridge or a helping hand? I have scarce resources, especially faith.
 
But I am breathing. It’s my eternal excuse. It’s my reason for living, albeit desperately. To worship the Almighty is something I almost completely disregarded. There is almost no instance when I actually stop and acknowledge His greatness. Yet I breathe and live every second. No interruptions, just obstacles.
 
I’m not writing this as a way to gain hope. There’s no definite reason except the fact that I am so burdened with loneliness but I have no one to talk to. Therefore, I write. I just want to be special for even just a couple of people. So that every time I feel exasperated, I can count on someone to listen and make my life matter no matter what.
 
A friend to lean on is worth more than everything I have been chasing for recently. But sadly, I don’t have that commodity. I reach out to my keyboard and type my heart out, wishing, deep inside, that somebody would care enough to get to this point, be concerned with my wellbeing, ask me how I feel, and make time to let me share my soul and listen to me.
 
But I’m not expecting. I know everybody is busy with their own desperations that no one would care enough to read this wordy entry. I know the seed I’ve sown are so, so scarce. I know my selfishness, my wicked ways. But in time, it will change. I will fight for my life to change because I want to be happy.

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The Greatest Love Letter I Could Ever Write


You simply can never forget your first. I will never forget the way I looked at you 10 feet away. I don't know, I will never know, why a glance at a normal person like you have made me feel so much happiness that even I can't explain up to now. I will never forget the images that came to mind during that whole week I waited just to have the courage to admit my feelings to you. I saw myself behind your every smile, inspiration to your every word, reason for your every deed, and companion to your every dream. That feeling is something you won't feel every day. It's a gift that comes just once in a blue moon. That fantasy that occurs even after reality takes place. Thank you for showing me what it feels like. You were the experience of a lifetime.

I will never forget the first time you kissed me and held my hand. It's no magic, I must admit. Our hands were not the perfect fit. But perfect is overrated. The feeling you get of finally having a taste of reality out of your fantasy? It's priceless. I will never forget the taste of your first kiss and how it changed overtime. There were subtle differences, sometimes I can't fully recall because the moment is just so captivating. But every time it happens, I know I am happy and I know I am alive. Not one kiss I didn't mean. It all came from my heart, and it's only for you and nobody else.

I will never forget how extreme our lows have been. Every tear, every fear, every anger, every regret, every argument that left us both defeated. I will never forget how we got through them, how we handled the damage left by our intense feeling of hatred toward each other. I will never forget the raised voices and fists that left us all wanting more in the end. I will never forget all the broken rules and the best excuses, the senseless offenses and nonsense jealousy. It's all an experience that will be nothing but a great lesson for me. Yes, I am not the perfect lover, but I'm real. I'm flawed and I'm human. You can feel me, and God, I know you felt me.

I will never forget all your gestures of love, big or small. I will never forget the first time you called just to say you love me, or the first time you heard a song, thought of me, and made me know how lucky you feel to have me, or the first time a song and staring at my face sent you to tears. I will never forget the first time you broke my heart and how sorry you were. I will never forget every regret you had and how you've changed, yes, you always change for the better even if I don't sometimes. I will never forget all your simple, random gifts, and even those surprises that completely took my breath away.

I will never forget all the trials we, as one, won. I will never forget the zeal we have to fight for what we think we deserve. I will never forget the assurance we feel whenever something is up against us. I will never forget the battles that made us lean on each other, rely upon each other, and cared even more for each other.

But most importantly, I will never forget the way I feel when I'm with you. I will never forget how you make me feel so loved, secured, and worthy. I will never forget how sure I am that you are the one created just for me. I am still sure of that, but you say you're tired and you have given up. So please allow me to still believe, as long as I can, even if it is just a fantasy. Allow me to still believe that one day, you will make me feel like the luckiest man alive during our wedding day. Allow me to still believe that one day, all mornings of my life would be the greatest moment of my life because you'll always be there sleeping by my side. Allow me to still believe that one day, when the good old days are gone, we will still care for each other like we haven't aged at all. Allow me to still believe that one day, you will cherish me and call me your own even if I am long gone in this world. Allow me to still believe that you will never tire of me, of saying yes to me, of spending every moment of your life with me, of being one and the same as me. If all these words are not yet enough to take all the pain I've caused you away, then I don't know what to do anymore. At least I didn't give up on you. And allow me to dedicate and offer this only to you. This... is the greatest love letter I could ever write.

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January 2, 2014

I Remember: 2013 in a Glance




So 2013 is ending in 40 minutes. Aww, mine was so short yet eventful. It was indeed full of highs and lows, but I still can't believe it's already over. 12 months or 365 days went by so so fast.

I still remember leaving TrueLogic on January 11, going to work at SEOP on January 17 and then getting laid off after only 11 days of service. I remember bumming for two months, resulting in an estimated 20-pound weight gain. I remember getting rejected for about five companies before finally landing a job again at Vocus. The best part is it's in Zuellig, a very elegant and high-end building.

I remember meeting my new housemates, Jaynard and Elisa, for the first time. We went swimming just because. I remember our housewarming party and how fun it was because so many of their friends came with food as gifts. I remember having at least two drinking sessions with these guys and feeling like it's the best thing ever. After around seven years, I remember finally drinking alcohol again and enjoying it without overdrinking (or so I hope).

I remember meeting my office teammates for the first time. One look at Sol and you'll know he will do anything to maintain a good image, just like a politician. One look at Karlin and I already know how kikay she is. One look at Zars and... oh, wait, she was my officemate at SEOP and I didn't even realize it. Haha. I remember being rejected for the first time I was interviewed by our boss and being called back saying I actually got the job, thanks to the HR recruiter who helped make it happen.

I went to Vocus the next day to sign the contract and met Luisa, this cute little babyfaced girl. Yes, looks can be deceiving. Turns out she's a feisty "Madame" that will kick your ass if you ever need to get spanked (or if she's just feeling "meh"). I remember being LATE on my first day. Haha. Thank God I was not the last to arrive in the training room when I first met Jar, our trainer. She is such a classy lady and on first look, you'll know she doesn't eat Angel's Burger or Minute Burger. I remember the tongue twisters she asked us to recite. I was feeling cold and nervous because I have poor diction and pronunciation. Thank God she didn't call me when the tongue twister was full of the "th" sound which I can't pronounce properly.

I remember the presentation led by Brian and Dannie, my beki friends/batchmates. I think I was the one who laughed the hardest. They are the best natural comedians Batch 5 (of trainees) has. I remember the very bland "Wheel of Fortune" segment Zars and I presented. I remember losing to the other team (I forgot if we were the Sky or the Wall team, sorry) but without any bitterness because they so deserve it.

I remember meeting Mira for the first time knowing we were meant to be friends. Now, we are, and I feel so blessed because she is a witty, hilarious, and crazy person who helps bring out the kamalditahan in all of us. I remember the huge pizzas my batchmates and I decided to buy for the team as a thank you token for welcoming us and helping us learn the basics of our job. The pizza was underwhelming but the night was fun.

I remember getting the 2pm to 11pm shift and enjoying it. I remember getting to know Wilfred, who got along with Karlin, James, and I on the said shift. These guys prompted my desire for smartphones which I once despised because I hated anything touchscreen. I remember Karlin and James discovering that I do this close to a moan sound every time I eat something that blows my mind. I discovered it with them because our food trips sometimes are just so epic! 

I remember Raz, who was supposed to work at 11pm, arriving an hour earlier almost constantly. I remember thinking she did this so she could chat with me before her shift starts. I never asked her this, but I think I'm just being delusional for thinking that. Haha. Now, we are together on the night shift and we know a little too much about each other on some areas of our lives. She provided 7 out of 12 stamps for me to get the CBTL planner I have lusted for. How sweet, especially because I would never do that for any friend. haha.

Well, basically, from May to now, my life revolved around work and workmates most of the time. Some other portions of my life I can't share here. I just wrote this to remind myself of how great this year was overall. I am Dory, one who forgets a thing minutes after it happened. I know I have a lot more I can share here, but unfortunately, that's all I can remember right now.

(Photo Credit: http://www.annmariebone.com/)

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