The Battle of Life and Death

Not so complicated in simplest form

I started my first official work as a professional two days ago and got depressed, to the point of wanting to just disappear in an instant, never to come back to this jungle of a world invaded by competition and hardships.

Today, I turned 21—feeling better and coming back for more. Desperation speaks quietly inside of us. And at certain times, it explodes to an extent of bursting into tears or shouts. But then, everything that crashed into pieces sublimely falls into place again. What a miracle, I suppose—how things turn out alright after your sanity gets kicked out of the box.

Today, I turned 21—and I’m happy. I am doing what I love to do and actually getting paid to do it. Wow! That’s something I never imagined I’d achieve, but in one way, I’ve been able to achieve now. But there’s more to come, I know. I’m just so hyped for whatever is there to come, looking forward to every opportunity. I said during my job interviews that I’d strive to be the best that I can be and do the best that I can for the company. Now, I think I can do it, and I’m trying and succeeding so far.

It’s life; disorganized, unfair, unjust. Yet we live it, most of us anyway. We live it because there’s always help; through hands unknown or voices we somewhat clearly hear all of a sudden. There’s direction for the ones who dare to feel vulnerability, weakness, trouble, anxiety.

The battle we need to fight is how we can leave a mark to everything that goes by our fragile, inconsiderate time. Time which is the most important thing in the world that we will never ever get back, ever. So leave it living every bit of it. Don’t you dare waste it on petty things that don’t make sense to yourself.

It has been accustomed to my mind that I’d die young at the age of forty. Sometimes I take hold of it, sometimes I fear it. Sometimes it makes me limitless, sometimes it limits me. But supernaturally, I believe it so much that I consider it as a fact. But for what it’s worth, it makes me strive to do more, to do good. It challenges my being and my capabilities.

I have 19 more years to spend in this unclear life that I’ve been given. It’s difficult. Sometimes, every piece seems to fit right in; but sometimes, pieces scatter too. It’s not always my fault, so I stopped asking who’s anyway. The only thing clear is I will live it better than the year before, I hope. I really do hope so.