The Path to The Next Chapter

There are many reasons behind fallouts, but one thing is for sure: life moves on. I am at a point in my life that I can say I have just moved on from somewhere I was stuck for a long, long time. A few weeks ago, I was devastated because every single mistake I have done magnified right before my eyes. I was lost and I didn’t know what to say to myself. I felt shamed looking in front of the mirror, because all I did for a couple of years was throw away important things and make everything more complicated than what they should really be. I was enlightened. The path to something grander opened up, and I can see it clearly.

Self-Proclaimed Mistakes

 

The road was not easy; it was bumpy. I knew that things would change: the conventional would be questioned, the comfort would be broken, the security would be shaken. I would describe the first days as the humble new beginning. It gets to you: that you’ve made some stupid mistakes you could never take back. We are all damaged goods here, and as the imperfect beings that we are, we cause even more damages with time. At least there are humble new beginnings for the (I would like to say) majority of us. This gives us hope and direction, towards forgetting the damages caused by our mistakes, but remembering the lessons we’ve learned for the days still ahead of us.

Self-Inflicted Wounds

 

And then it hits you: you have lost something (or someone) really, really important. It is painful. You’ve searched and searched for that happiness, that hidden treasure you have so longed for. You’ve finally found it, grabbed the opportunity, but let the waves take it away from you, once again. Our human ways then become so disoriented and miseducated. We fool ourselves, thinking the waves would bring our treasure back, or exchange it with something just as valuable. We do things not visible in the normalities of our lives. The mistakes we’ve just realized then make way for even more mistakes. I accept it willingly, though, knowing that it is part of the process of moving on and getting back up on my two feet.

Self-Produced Emotions

 

We need defense mechanisms to cope up and survive the overwhelming emotional demand of change. Yep, you’ve read it right: you have emotions. You are not fooling anyone by keeping that strong, immovable sense of self-assurance. You crumble when experiencing pain. Some masks it with alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, food, games, and sex among other things; while some build a wall of protection by means of bitterness, resentment, anger, sadness, or happiness. These are all delusional protective shields as of this moment, but it is not your fault. This is part of the process of getting back in shape, so accept it and go with the flow. You’ll get by soon enough.

Self-Appreciation

 

Getting through heartaches and pain several times would make you familiar with yourself and make it easier for you to adjust. With the mistakes and the mistakes after that now all going down in flames, you are finally ready to appreciate what you have become. You are ready to see the light of day, as tomorrow naturally gets better and better every time the sun rises anew. You appreciate yourself again, because you have no choice but to take the fresh air in and still keep living. You try to understand the purpose of it all, and trying is the best asset you have for now. It’s time to appreciate your worth once more, despite the rejections, misunderstandings, and wounds inflicted by people you love the most.

Self-Drawn Blue Sky

 

That moment when you suddenly accept the fact that both of your smiles are genuine again is heartwarming yet heartbreaking at the same time. Heartwarming because you know it is finished. The pain is now benign and you can finally say to yourself you are free, recovered, and contented again. Heartbreaking because you know it is finished. The person you have felt so strongly for is now somewhere in the past, in your memories alone. All was wasted because the great bond is gone forever. You are left with no choice but to retreat and accept the fact that it did not become what you have wanted it to become.

You know that all is well again when you face yourself in the mirror and feel good, knowing that you have survived and discovered yourself in a deeper scope. Everything happens for not just a reason, but many of them. You do not have to make sense of it all; you just have to get back to your senses. Enjoy what life gives you without the need to push people down, make stupid mistakes, saturate your mind with desperate thoughts, and fool your heart. As long as you are happy in your own skin without pulling any tricks in the book, you are as good as you could ever be.