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If it makes you happy, then go on

There's really no point in holding on

Everything's crushing right before my eyes

If roads should be crossed, then move along

Tomorrow will find us breaking free

Let go of the tears now

You hid it far too long

It's time to face what's really going on

The mountains are far up

The journey will be rough

But staying stranded is just not any good

If we're empty inside, then breathe in

There's life outside our love long waiting

It doesn't mean all we had was nothing

If goodbye is now, I must be strong

The shelter's really been demolished

Come and go

Love and war

The battlefield's inside my heart

Wash away

Darkest days

Leave us only with the good

And I swear, there's so much of it

You've made my heart skip a beat

2013

The year Carly Rae Jepsen and Gotye faded after having the biggest hits from the previous year. The year Lady Gaga and Britney’s comebacks failed to have the impact they used to have. The year Miley Cyrus bounced back and Robin Thicke got his first number 1 despite their very disturbing VMA performance. The year Bruno Mars and Macklemore & Ryan Lewis became kings and Queen B (Yoncé) snatched the bestselling female album of 2013 with just 3 weeks left.

Here’s the rundown of my personal favorite songs of 2013. I tried my best to rank them accordingly, but the top 10 are almost interchangeable. Such a good year of music in general, so I hope you discover some songs you haven’t heard yet through this list. (I chose to list the number one song first to give it maximum exposure because this post is too lengthy.)
 

"Necessary Endings and New Beginnings"

This is the January Theme of my CBTL planner, and it is so appropriate in my life right now. January always brings this fresh feeling of hope and inspiration, but this year, I feel there is more--so much more.

There are more improvements that need to be started. There are more challenges that need to be took. There are more blessings that need to be appreciated. There are more lessons that need to be learned passionately. There are more dreams that need to be reached. That only means one thing--I will be the best Kevin yet this 2014.

Words are the very life of me, I always say. These words I write on a daily basis now is my driving force. When your heart is just so full, you can't help but let it all out. Just like the tears or the laughters I produce whenever writing. These are emotions put into words and immortalized. This is my source of joy, pride, and fulfillment. Now is the time to strengthen them by putting actions behind them.

I am ready and I will conquer. I know every challenge ahead I'm about to face is only there to make me be the best version of myself. There's no other purpose behind them. Yes, I cry, and that is good. It means I'm ready for change and I'm ready to fight.

There's no better way to kickstart this new beginning by joining this project, "My 500 Words", and commit to write at least 500 words a day to complete my gameplan for the whole year. There's no topic, no limitations, no editing--JUST SHOW UP. Show up at your desk and actually write. I've been calling myself a writer, born writer, for so long. But I only published 26 blog entries last year, averaging 1 blog entry per 14 days. That's how seldom I write, which is good, but not good enough if I want to be near where I want to be. I have a goal, and I will give everything I can to make it happen this year.

What Do I Want to Thrive in My Life This Year?

That's the first question on the planner. And I will discuss my aspirations this year, one by one.

1. Travel

I finally have some savings to start travelling. Well, I really didn't want to travel much before for two reasons: fear and inconvenience. Unfamiliar places make me fearful and staying outside places I call home brings such inconvenience to me. This year, I WILL TRAVEL for the sake of new experiences and a life lived to the fullest. Coming out of my shell and onto the world is something I'd like to start doing this year. First stop, I'll climb my first mountain with college friends this month. Wish me luck!

2. Health

This year, I WILL BE FIT. I've been carrying these extra pounds far too long now. I won't say much here. Just come January 2015 and I will be 30-40 pounds lighter. So help me God!

3. Acceptance

Saying goodbye has long been a weakness of mine. I'm not saying I won't ever feel pain when it's time to say goodbye. I'm just saying that this year, I WILL NOT BE A CONTROL FREAK AND I WILL BE MORE ACCEPTING like I already know the reasons behind things. I want to believe endings are always for the better. Although when we feel the pain of goodbyes, it never makes sense, there is really sense in all of it. This year, I will accept changes, along with delayed or cancelled plans, inconveniences, and past mistakes I can do nothing about. Overall, I just want to be more accepting and a lot less controlling. I should know by now that I can't control everything. In fact, A LOT of things are beyond my control, and I just have to accept that fact.

4. Productive

Last but not the least, I WILL BE PRODUCTIVE. To be more specific, I want to hone my talents more and revive those I've completely abandoned. It's supposed to be easy, just show up and stop being a lazy ass. This world and life in general is full of inspirations. There's really no excuse to be unproductive. Life is moving, so should I.

Here's to celebrating changes and being focused to reach the finish line. Let's keep each other winning all months of the year!

 

 

I am unhappy. Despite the automatic smile on my face, there’s a longing in my heart that I’m not quite familiar with. So I begin every single day trying to quench this thirst, even though I don’t know what it is exactly I’m thirsty of.

 

I am unguided. The emotions my heart feels and the thoughts that linger on my mind are what dictate my every action. Though I know these shouldn’t be my guide, my feet don’t have any other choice. Not now.

 

I am undetermined. There are changes in life I know I need to do. Some I conquer with gladness in my heart, but I still feel weak. I know I still have a lot to face. I want to witness myself conquer every internal battle. I want to take the torch and run so effortlessly and freely, despite the doubts this world gives me.

 

I am uneducated. I keep living life waking up as the same person I was the day before, with the same challenges to face. I need help but I don’t exactly know how to find a compromise that would satisfy my heart yet make me progress in this life.

 

I am unimportant. A mere speck in this world with no gigantic contribution to actually matter. Sometime, I ask if there are going to be people around me when it’s time to face trials or defeat. I want to make a mark, not by the things I am, but by the things I do for other people. However, I know there’s a long road ahead of me for me to actually achieve that.

 

I am inconsistent. That’s why I run in circles and daunted with this feeling of despair. How can I achieve the things I want to? How can I get there when I can’t even see a bridge or a helping hand? I have scarce resources, especially faith.

 

But I am breathing. It’s my eternal excuse. It’s my reason for living, albeit desperately. To worship the Almighty is something I almost completely disregarded. There is almost no instance when I actually stop and acknowledge His greatness. Yet I breathe and live every second. No interruptions, just obstacles.

 

I’m not writing this as a way to gain hope. There’s no definite reason except the fact that I am so burdened with loneliness but I have no one to talk to. Therefore, I write. I just want to be special for even just a couple of people. So that every time I feel exasperated, I can count on someone to listen and make my life matter no matter what.

 

A friend to lean on is worth more than everything I have been chasing for recently. But sadly, I don’t have that commodity. I reach out to my keyboard and type my heart out, wishing, deep inside, that somebody would care enough to get to this point, be concerned with my wellbeing, ask me how I feel, and make time to let me share my soul and listen to me.

 

But I’m not expecting. I know everybody is busy with their own desperations that no one would care enough to read this wordy entry. I know the seed I’ve sown are so, so scarce. I know my selfishness, my wicked ways. But in time, it will change. I will fight for my life to change because I want to be happy.